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Friday, December 5, 2008

Excerpts From the Diary of a Dog

I can't remember where I found this, but it is so adorable, that I am reprinting it here. Whoever wrote this is a genius:)




Excerpts from diary of a dog

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Note: There should be a photo here of a real cat, but I don't have one. My daughter however is named Kat, so I hope for now, this will do.

Excerpts from diary of a cat
Day 983 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

8 comments:

Poopsie Blue said...

That is so brillant - may have to borrow it from you - LOL!

Hope all is well with you all - Sorrry I've not been commenting much!

Take care
Love
Blue

스태파니™ said...

ROFL ! XDDDDD

I love the Excerpts from the diary of a cat, thing. X)

You cat has the most funniest character, ever ~! :D But your dog is adorable (so is the cat;D) Is it really torture for the cat ??? @^@

THE ZOO said...

we luf that diary excerpt. those are too funny.

Lana Baker said...

OK-I'm going to have to come up with some version of this for my blog, too! It's just so rich~I have 2 dogs and 7 cats. Hmmm...maybe I can come up with some group collaboration : - )
Hugs!

Occasional Blogger said...

This is so hilarious...comparable to stereotype men and women, hahaha.

Celar said...

I read about that too,well it means the reality, cats are more intelligent and independent as compared to dogs. Dogs are like children who always need an adult, that made them very loveable tho. but I am still a dog person

Evenstar said...

Absolutely hilarious and spot on! I am posting this on my FB page.

euthymic said...

Poopsie Blue! Great to hear from you, i love your new format:) Steph, glad you enjoyed this piece, they aren't my cat and dog, tho the dog looks like my darling dog winniechurchill, i'll admit:) like you, i do love the way the cat has attitude:) Zoo, i felt strongly you would identify, ha ha ha! Lana, can't wait for your version, i know it's gonna be a great one. btw, i am still anticipating the day i shall bake cake in a mug on my microwave:) Malu, but which sex is the dog, which is the cat? hardy har har! maricel, you and i are loyal askal lovers to the very end. i hope that peso is doing well these days:) i love my winniechurchill and ashleypumpernickel and my spitz luckyhappy. Sis, the dog has no spot though, bwahahhahahahahhahaha:)